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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I’m feelin’ like a hero, right? But then, I see this lady on the beach, sunbathing, and she’s got her music blasting. I mean, I love a good jam, but c’mon! It’s Tsur-Itshak, not a nightclub! I walk over, and she’s like, “What’s your problem?” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to save lives here!”